Body Talk: My Body Image & Body Inspirations

I've always believed that working out can truly make you feel so much better about your yourself - which is why I've become an avid fitness freak and have had a gym membership since starting my working career.  But lately I've found myself not being able to make time for working out but even more so than that, I just haven't had the motivation to work out.  Last night I visited Goodlife for the first time in over 2 months.  It felt good, but I could feel that my body was out of shape and I had to catch my breath a couple times while on the treadmill.  I didn't like the feeling at all.  I need to do something about it.

Here is a quick synopsis of my body image & weight throughout my life.

Highschool:
- Weight: Not quite overweight, but definitely not classified as thin - I would say my weight fluctuated between 130-140lbs
- Body Image: It's funny, in highschool (even grade school) I was very active and involved in school sports like Cheerleading, Flag Football, Field Hockey and Volleyball but I was never obsessed with what I looked like.  I was more interested in my friends, hanging out and enjoying life.  I was a tomboy.

First 2 Years of College:
- Weight: 175lbs.
- Body Image & Lifestyle:  I didn't go away to school and went to a college that was close to home.  I got pretty depressed with the program I decided to pursue in school (the students were very different than my high school friends), my lifestyle (ate out all the time, didn't want to be at home) and my boyfriend at the time (who didn't have a passion in life and I was just going through the motions of being comfortable).  Needless to say I didn't care how I looked.  I wore baggy sweatshirts all the time.  Knew the entire McDonalds menu by heart.  Stopped hanging out with friends.  Watched a lot of television.

Last year of College:
- Weight: 105lbs.
- Body Image & Lifestyle: I became obsessed with perfecting my life.  The 'ah-ha' moment for me was when I was eating dinner with my mom and I squirted mayo all over my fries and she said 'Do you really need that? You should really life by the motto of Eat Less, Exercise More'  At first this devastated me.  I didn't know I was overweight (maybe even obese).  After this day, I knew I needed to be in control of my life & my health.  Since I was still in school, I had so many opportunities & TIME to go to the gym.  I went twice a day and did a Tae-bo (remember those!) video each night.  Unfortunately, I let my weight issues get the best of me and I did some things I am ashamed of.  There were days I would eat 2 slices of toast.  Days I wouldn't eat at all.  I began to get heart palpitations.  I created a journal to track my weight loss, drew pictures of how I thought I looked, collected facts about weight loss.  It took over me.  I had a problem.

First couple years of working:
- Weight: 110-120lbs.
- Body Image & Lifestyle:  Since I didn't have as much free time when I first started working as I did in school I gained some weight - which was much needed.  I worked at a very hectic, stressful and extremely body conscious advertising agency.  Everyone was GORGEOUS and well kept.  This didn't help me and my body image.  I felt the need to conform and be the same.  So my weight fluctuated considerably throughout my years at this ad agency. Since I wouldn't be able to make it to the gym, I would find myself going for runs early in the morning, at lunch or at night.  I started to take control of my weight.

Now:
- Weight: 115-120lbs.
- Body Image & Lifestyle: I'm happy with my weight!  I still that there are days that I 'feel fat', but every girl does!  It's just natural.  There are things & body parts you will never be happy about.  I'm starting to feel the need to start a gym routine. I would classify my body as being 'curvy'.  I do have a larger chest and when I do gain weight it tends to be in the thighs or stomach area.

*** Please note that my height is approx. 5'3"

Since thinking about starting to get back in shape & tone up, I've started collecting some images of celebrities/models that I want to aspire to look like, or even just give me the inspiration to get back into working out!  A lot of the pics I have captured are pics of women with curves who aren't stick thin.  I like the more soft look.